Topics

31

The Coffee Shop / Psychiatrist vs. Bartender

« on: December 10, 2015, 10:03:51 pm »

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a shrink and told him: ?I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.? 

?Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.? 

?How much do you charge?? 

?One hundred fifty dollars per visit,? replied the doctor. 

?I'll sleep on it,? I said. 

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. ?Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?? He asked. 

?Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.  A bartender cured me for $10.00.  I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup truck.?
 
?Is that so?? With a bit of an attitude he said, ?and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you??
 
?He told me to cut the legs off the bed.  Ain't nobody under there now.?
 
It's always better to get a second opinion.
       
       

32

The Coffee Shop / How Irish Dancing Started

« on: December 10, 2015, 09:54:21 pm »

Cute

http://videos2view.net/irish-dance.htm

Jim

33

The Coffee Shop / Steve's JROTC pattern

« on: November 14, 2015, 08:43:42 am »

The notes that accompanies Steve's Friday pattern are very interesting.

" . . . instill in students in United States secondary educational institutions the value of citizenship, service to the United States, personal responsibility, and a sense of accomplishment."

The study of ethics, citizenship, communications, leadership, life skills and other subjects designed to prepare young men and woman to take their place in adult society, . . ."

I especially like the phrase "personal responsibility", it seems there is not much of this being shown these.  In my opinion, the aims and the subjects should be taught in schools throughout the world, not just in the US JRTOC.

Jim

34

The Coffee Shop / How tax cuts work

« on: September 09, 2015, 08:46:59 am »

Found this on line.
Every night, 10 men met at a restaurant for dinner. At the end of the meal, the bill would arrive. They owed $100 for the food that they shared.

Every night they lined up in the same order at the cash register. The first four men paid nothing at all. The fifth, grumbling about the unfairness of the situation, paid $1. The sixth man, feeling very generous, paid $3. The next three men paid $7, $12 and $18, respectively.

The last man was required to pay the remaining balance, $59. He realized that he was forced to pay for not only his own meal but the unpaid balance left by the first five men.

The 10 men were quite settled into their routine when the restaurant threw them into chaos by announcing that it was cutting its prices.

Now dinner for the 10 men would only cost $80. This clearly would not affect the first four men. They still ate for free. The fifth and sixth men both claimed their piece of the $20 right away. The fifth decided to forgo his $1 contribution. The sixth pitched in $2. The seventh man deducted $2 from his usual payment and paid $5. The eighth man paid $9. The ninth man paid $12, leaving the last man with a bill of $52.

Outside of the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings, and angry outbursts began to erupt.

The sixth man yelled, "I only got $1 out of the $20, and he got $7," pointing at the last man.

The fifth man joined in. "Yeah! I only got $1 too. It is unfair that he got seven times more than me."

The seventh man cried, "Why should he get $7 back when I only got $2?"

The nine men formed an outraged mob, surrounding the 10th man.

The first four men followed the lead of the others: "We didn't get any of the $20. Where is our share?"

The nine angry men carried the 10th man up to the top of a hill and lynched him.

The next night, the nine remaining men met at the restaurant for dinner.

But when the bill came, there was no one to pay it.
Actually, they were $44 short.  $80 - 2 - 5 - 9 - 12 = $44.  The rich have options (other than being hung  ) that most others don't have.  For example, they can move to places that don't tax as heavily.

35

The Coffee Shop / Amen !

« on: September 05, 2015, 10:32:11 am »

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passersby what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later, and with whom. I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what anybody and everybody does every day.

I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and tell them I ?like? them.

?And it works just like Facebook! I already have four people following me: two police officers, a private investigator, and a psychiatrist?

Jim

36

The Coffee Shop / LAWYERS DON'T LIE

« on: July 29, 2015, 12:38:17 pm »

A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home.

When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the home.

He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all, lawyers cannot and do not lie.

So, he had an idea: he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 children.

He took the remaining one with him to see homes with the Real Estate Agent.

He liked one of the homes and the agent asked:

"How many children do you have??

He answered: "12 children?.

The agent asked "Where are the others?

The lawyer answered, with a sad look,

"They are in the cemetery with their mother?.

And that's the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying.

MORAL:

It is not necessary to lie; one only has to choose the right words.

37

The Coffee Shop / New Lee Valley hand plane design

« on: April 02, 2015, 08:22:07 am »

Lee Valley is showing a new design/selection system for a custom hand plane.  http://www.leevalley.com/US/wood/page.aspx?p=72875&cat=1,230,41182,48944.  Don't forget to click the link below the video. 

What do you think of it?

Jim
PS, This is NOT spam but it was posted yesterday.     

38

The Coffee Shop / Men in Heaven

« on: February 22, 2015, 09:10:35 pm »

God knows.................
                                                     
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines: One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women.  And...I want all the women to report to St. Peter.

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said to the long line, You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
Jim

39

The Coffee Shop / Fifty Shades of Golf

« on: February 02, 2015, 08:41:36 pm »

Four guys have been going on the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, John's wife Paula puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. John's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find John sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow John, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night.  Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and Paula came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was,
wearing a nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading '50 Shades of Grey'...  On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So...  Here I am!

40

The Coffee Shop / Fishing

« on: February 01, 2015, 04:59:15 pm »

It was raining buckets and a large puddle had formed in front of a pub in Glasgow. An old man, in a ragged kilt  was there, in the rain, with a rod and a line floating in the puddle.

Touched by the sadness of the scene, a passerby approached and asked what he was doing:

"I'm fishing." replied the old-timer.

"Poor old guy" thought the stranger who decided to invite him inside to dry out in the warmth of the pub with a scotch.

As they were quietly drinking their scotches, the stranger decided to play along with the old-timer and asked: "How many have you caught this morning?"

"You are the eighth." replied the old-timer with a shy grin.

41

General Scroll Saw Talk / Toy plans at Lee Valley

« on: January 28, 2015, 12:38:02 pm »

Lee Valley is offering a book of plans for toys http://www.leevalley.com/en/gifts/page.aspx?p=72644&cat=54&ap=1 that looks interesting.  The title is Zany Wooden Toys that Whiz, Spin, Pop and Fly.  These could be good for children/grand children and could also sell at fairs.  (I don't know if the designs are copyrighted.)

Jim

42

Computer questions / Scrollsaw workshop question

« on: November 13, 2014, 08:24:42 am »

I receive Steve's daily email with the pattern.  The past two days, the image of the pattern is not visible, there is only a small square showing.  If I click the square, the image of the cutting opens in my web browser.  It has only happened the past two days but I doubt my email program is censoring the image.         

I am using Thunderbird for email and Firefox for browsing on Windows 7 Pro.

Is anyone else having this problem or is it only me?  If others have the problem, I'll contact Steve but if it's only my computer . . . .

Thanks and have  a good day,
Jim

43

The Coffee Shop / Time change and your electrical panel(s)

« on: November 01, 2014, 09:46:08 am »

Once again it is time change, for many of us, on Sunday.  You get another hour of sleep and have to reset all the clock in the house.

Since you have to reset the clocks anyway, take the opportunity to actuate all the circuit breakers in the house - before you adjust the clocks.         Breakers that are never operated/tripped can freeze closed and not open if the is a problem with the circuits in the house - a stuck breaker could cause a fire.  Flipping the breakers on and off every year reduces the chances that a breaker might freeze.

Don't forget the big breaker that interrupts all the current coming into the house.

Be safe,
Jim

44

Pattern Requests. / Comments on a pattern

« on: September 26, 2014, 09:43:52 pm »

I made (at least tried to make one     ) the pattern from the photo.  I'd appreciate your comments on how to improve it - to me it doesn't look very good but . . .

Thanks,
Jim

45

Pattern Requests. / Requesting a pattern from this photo

« on: September 11, 2014, 04:45:06 pm »

Good afternoon,

I want to make a portrait of these two.  He died a month ago so I want to make one as a Christmas present for her. 

My pattern making is poor, to say the least, so I'm hoping the experts in this forum can help me.  If you can ignore the reflections in the glasses, that would be great.

Thanks for your help,
Jim