* Men hang out in bars for two main reasons; They have no wife to go home to... or they do.
* If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
* Jury -- twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
* Sex is NOT the answer... Sex is the question. YES is the answer!!!
* For every action, there is an equal but opposite Government program.
* Never buy a pit-bull from a one armed man.
* If history repeats itself why is there never any reruns of the six o'clock news.
* I may be schizophrenic, but at least I'll always have each other.
* A fool and his money are soon... Hey! Where's my wallet?
* Patience is something admired in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead of you.
* History doesn't repeat itself; historians repeat each other.
* Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting enough.
* Do what you did when you were a kid: fly a kite, go fishing, hunt a dinosaur.
