Topics

241

The Coffee Shop / My Aching Back, Shoulder, Knee !!!!!

« on: October 25, 2010, 06:53:53 am »

Thought I'd let my doctor check me,
'Cause I didn't feel quite right.

All those aches and pains annoyed me.
And I couldn't sleep at night.

He could find no real disorder
But he wouldn't let it rest.

What with Medicare and Blue Cross,
We would do a couple tests.

To the hospital he sent me
Though I didn't feel that bad.

He arranged for them to give me
Every test that could be had.

I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped,
My aging frame displayed.

Stripped, on an ice cold table,
While my gizzards were x-rayed.

I was checked for worms and parasites,
For fungus and the crud,

While they pierced me with long needles
Taking samples of my blood.

Doctors came to check me over,
Probed and pushed and poked around,

And to make sure I was living
They then wired me for sound.

They have finally concluded,
Their results have filled a page.

What I have will someday kill me;
My affliction is OLD AGE!!!

          

242

The Coffee Shop / Health Warning:

« on: October 24, 2010, 07:44:49 am »

Warning: Beer Contains Female Hormones

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn?t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.     

243

The Coffee Shop / Blonde in a Row Boat.

« on: October 24, 2010, 07:33:23 am »

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said, "You know, it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies, "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

LMAO.     

244

The Coffee Shop / Gotcha PG-13

« on: October 22, 2010, 07:19:22 am »

Happy Halloween

You have just been
MOONED

No moon backs allowed !!!!!

245

The Coffee Shop / Suspicious Wife

« on: October 22, 2010, 07:03:53 am »

A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the maid. She thought of a plan to take him by surprise. One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed. Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her. After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?"
"I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur.

    

246

Pattern Requests. / Tomb Sweet Tomb

« on: October 20, 2010, 09:46:16 am »

Here is a little pattern I made for Halloween. I am building my grandson a toy box for his 1st birthday this weekend. So I have not had the time to cut it. I thought I would share it now plenty of time for Halloween.
If anyone is interested I can e-mail them the .pdf pattern without the wood background.
Just e-mail me.  

247

The Coffee Shop / Detection of Dumb

« on: October 15, 2010, 07:56:56 am »

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol a detective.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities, such as scars and so forth." So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.

"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man ?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.

He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled _expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses.      

248

Pattern Requests. / "Pattern Uploads" "Posting Patterns", "Copyright Trademark Issues"!!!!

« on: October 08, 2010, 06:49:55 pm »

Read before posting Patterns.

Everyone needs to read the bulletin Steve posted in Bulletins and News (Pattern Uploads. Must Read) on Posting Patterns. This is a very serious issue.

 If you create a pattern make sure you are not violating any trademark or copyrights. For example, uploading a pattern of the Harley Davidson emblem is a no-no. Disney characters, School mascots, College mascots, NFL, NASCAR, NHL, MLB, NBA and some celebrity images, etc... are all on the forbidden list.

You can create any pattern you want for your own use. But if it violates trademark or copyrights do not post it here or there will be big problems.

Also, you cannot post other artist's/peoples patterns. If you didn't actually make the pattern then don't post it here.

You can post pictures of your finished projects all you want and what you do with them (finished projects) is your own business. Posting a picture of your finished project that is for your own use does not violate copyright/trademark laws.

Bottom line is anyone can give advice all you want, just not on Copyright/Trademark issues. That is reserved for Steve Good and myself so that there is no confusion on the issue here on the forum. Some people in the past have been given misleading information.

Russ

249

The Coffee Shop / Your Prayers Needed To

« on: October 02, 2010, 09:04:38 am »

Please pray for Chasity and the baby (boy). Chasity our niece went into the hospital early this morning in labor. The baby is about three weeks early and she has Preeclampsia. The baby should should be fine even three weeks early but the Preeclampsia could severely injure them both or be fatal.
Thank You from me and my family.

250

The Coffee Shop / Centrum Silver Very Funny Video

« on: September 26, 2010, 08:56:14 pm »

Cherie sent me this video. I just had to share it knowing this group. You will LYAO.     

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWP5W7lv1-I

251

Brag Forum / Halloween Ghosts & Witch

« on: September 22, 2010, 06:08:27 pm »

Finished some of my orders so I decided since Halloween is right around the corner to make a few things. They are my designs and made with 1/4" Baltic Birch plywood  

252

Brag Forum / Granddaughters First

« on: September 14, 2010, 08:56:34 am »

I think I mentioned before I have been teaching my granddaughter Mekayla how to scroll saw. She is eleven years old and learning very fast. This is one of her first projects. 

253

Brag Forum / Mini Coffin With Surprise

« on: September 10, 2010, 09:01:22 am »

Decided to make a mini coffin for Halloween. LOL

    

Don't laugh at me
Because I have no skin
You don't know where I have been

Six foot under
That's where I am found
With all these worms
Crawling round and round

The worms crawl in
The worms crawl out,
The worms play Pinochle on my snout,

My eyes fell in
My teeth decayed
So that is the end
Of a horrible day.

Skelly
    

254

The Coffee Shop / Delivered Projects to CCA

« on: September 08, 2010, 01:30:56 pm »

This morning I delivered six of the projects I have been working on to the CCA (Coastal Conservation Association). They where very pleased and handed me a big fat check.  Wow, I am trying to figure out what I am going to spend it on.

1st: Some of it will go to materials for the rest of their (CCA) order.

2nd: I am also going to take my beautiful wife (who has supported and encouraged me) out to dinner. Where ever she wants to go.
.
3rd: I think I am going to look at some Wood Lathes.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.

            

255

Pattern Requests. / Grampa...Thanks .....

« on: September 07, 2010, 09:39:25 pm »

Sometimes in life you meet someone who gives from the heart,
Never asking for anything just enjoying his talent, his art.
There is only one thing that I can give to you,
Thank You for all You Give and All You Do.

Thanks Again Grampa..